


In The Shape of Things to Come

by meiyamie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Setting, Angst and Tragedy, Background Relationships, Closeted Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 02:27:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17357183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meiyamie/pseuds/meiyamie
Summary: Ukai, the Sendai captains and vice captains as a survey corps troop in an Attack on Titan AU. They're assigned a mission that they know they'll never return from.For Ushijima and Sugawara, who have no family to say goodbye to, they only have each other -- whatever they are.





	In The Shape of Things to Come

**Author's Note:**

> -This is super self-indulgent. I only really wanted to write this after seeing this gorgeous [fan art](https://twitter.com/nananapippi1075/status/1079923241009872896) of Shiratorizawa in survey corps uniform.  
> -Title is from 'In Every You is Every Me' by Placebo.  
> -I only watched the first season of Attack on Titan and read some of the manga before I abandoned it. If there are worldbuilding errors, my apologies. And while it should be a given, for those who haven't read/watched AOT -- this won't end happily.

If the walls were down, would he have gone after him? Ushijima sometimes wonders – in his own cot at headquarters, in the camp, or even as Suga dozes off next to him after a stolen night of making love. They had their corps training in common, but Ushijima imagines little else outside of it.

But then, what was life like when the walls were down? How young was Ushijima when he used to run in open fields, playing ball with his friends?

They had lived this long so far. Of course they got that one deadly mission – secure the woods, went the command. There was dead silence as Major Ukai read out the telegram, which bore the wax seal of the king. They were to retake the abandoned walled camp east of the city, a few days ride away.

As Ukai folded the letter, he scanned the faces of the deemed Golden Foot troop, an elite fighting force against the titans made of Daichi, Suga, Ushijima, Soekawa, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi.

“Thoughts?" Ukai asked, "You can speak freely.”

Daichi was first to speak.

“It’s an order. We’re not being asked to consider joining this mission.”

“They’re sending us to die.” Suga said softly.

Oikawa chuckled, “Sugawara’s making this sound even more appealing.”

No one else had anything to say.

As contentious as the order was, it was why they were there, right?

“I’ll give you forty-eight hours for whatever preparations you need.” Ukai said, “We leave at dawn after.”

The rest left to say their goodbyes and spend time with loved ones. Suga and Ushijima remained at base.

 

Ushijima had cut ties with his family since turning down a post with the Royal Guard to join the Survey Corps. Suga was an orphan. Before finally joining the survey corps he was a street rat, he had shared with the rest during one of their earlier missions. He stole and swindled for food and coin until he saw a need to defend the city.

Ushijima and Sugawara first got together after an off-duty drinking session which ended up with hot kisses before the watchmen on duty nearly caught them.

Ushijima had asked Suga flat out if he was taking advantage of him.

“The troops know I’m from a good family. Do you want to share my bed so you have the means for a brighter future?”

“I’m amazed you think we have a future.” Suga told him. “I just know that you’ve been looking at me in a way that I’ve seen Daichi look at Yui, or how Iwaizumi and Oikawa look at each other when they’re at ease. And I don’t mind. But when I return the gaze, you look away.”

“I do not--” Ushijima protested, and at that Suga looked right at him.

Ushijima held his gaze that time, and he felt frustration build in him. It wasn’t right for a man to be that pretty.

To want a man that pretty.

And as if he read his mind, Sugawara raised one hand to settle against his face. As Ushijima was a foot taller, he ended up brushing his hand against his chin. Ushijima gave a shiver as he did.

“We don’t have much time, Ushijima,” Suga had told him, “And there’s very little passion from the heart around here. I won’t say no if you ask.”

He asked.

And Suga said yes.

Yes, to some moments of furtive kisses in between fetching water from the well during a night shift. Yes again to another session of open-mouthed kisses when they were doing nighttime rounds and everyone else was asleep past two in the morning.

Yes, and yes, as Sugawara had figured out a stretch of time and a blind corner that they could duck into so he could get his hands on Ushijima’s cock underneath those tight uniform trousers. They were interrupted that first time and had to quickly zip up to stop a Titan from crashing into the town. But some nights after, when their succesful defense was  rewarded with a day off in the safehouse, Ushijima made sure that Suga finished the job.

And he did.

_It wasn’t right to want a man that pretty._

It wasn’t right to feel a high when his hips thrusts against Suga’s, to feel his teeth bite into the skin of his thumb when he covers his mouth to muffle his cry of orgasm; to love it just as much when Suga pins him down so he could lap down the rim of his ass and swirl his tongue against its opening before he rides him.

This wasn’t right, his mind scolded.

But his body, his heart, his cock, his mouth didn’t care.

His words couldn’t keep up.

“We didn’t get much rest.” Was the one thing he managed to say after an afternoon off together. He quietly scolded himself after, but Suga shrugged as he slipped his clothes back on.

“I enjoyed myself.” He said.

I did too. Ushijima wanted to say, but couldn’t. Not then any way. He eventually did – when they somehow managed to get their bunk assignments reshuffled and ended up in the same room as Suga. When the lights went out, this time Ushijima didn’t think twice about going over to Suga.

“I’m glad we’re here together.” Ushijima blurted out after, then grew embarrassed by the outburst.

This time it was Suga who smiled, and turned his back on him.

That was some nights before the letter came in.

 

“What do you want to do?” Ushijima asked Suga.

Suga was nursing a cup of coffee on the first morning they were left together at the safehouse. Another troop had been assigned to surveillance and defense that day, while Ukai left to visit his Grandfather in another part of the town.

Suga took out the coins from his pocket and counted. He sighed.

“It would be nice to have a good dinner.”

“I can ask my contacts at the market for premium goods.” Ushijima offered.

“Not too much. Just steak, and some butter for bread.”

Suga moved to give him his coins, but Ushijima waved it away.

He headed to the market and got the goods that Suga requested. For lunch, they had their rations and with some onion soup made for them by one of the villagers.

In the afternoon they took a walk down the wall before the nightfall curfew. Ushijima took his time strolling down the brick path, occasionally saluting a senior officer that came their way. No one wanted to chat with them for too long – perhaps knowing full well what Golden Foot Troop would be up to. Sugawara trailed behind him, and Ushijima sensed him wondering why they were taking their time at what was considered the very front and center of their battlefield.

Ushijima answered him as he heard the command for the six-thirty shift, the shift before nightfall.

Ushijima faced the sun setting in the distance. And he stood there, watching it slowly sink beyond the horizon. The skies turned from gold to pink, to tinges of purple as it set. Few things moved Ushijima like a sunset on a clear day.

Would he see many more of this after his death? He wondered.

As the sky grew darker and the moon grew brighter, Suga went up to him, tugging him by the sleeve of his jacket.

“We should go.” He told him.

“I know.” Ushijima replied, and turned away to head down from the wall.

Back at their safehouse, it was Ushijima who cooked. The meat was fairly good, but not as tender as some of the cuts he remembered having as a child. The citizens of the innermost wall must have hoarded them, he thought. But there was at least butter, some bulbs of garlic, and serviceable bread. They were quite costly for the quality, but it was better than what they’ve had in months.

He caught Suga trying to pace himself as they started on the dinner.

While Ushijima slowly chewed on the first few bites, seeing Suga struggle, he swallowed and told him, “You can enjoy it the way you want to.”

“I’m starving, but I won’t.” Suga told him, “I’ve never had this before. I want to savor the moment.”

Ushijima nodded as he continued to eat.

“I can prepare this again tomorrow.” He told him.

“You can?”

“Yes.”

Suga gave a murmur of relief.

They finished dinner and cleared the table. Suga insisted on doing the dishes, while Ushijima rested in their quarters, leafing through a bible. Ushijima had hoped there would be a verse that would jump at him to make him feel that sense of urgency before their final quest, but nothing. There was a quiet anxiety that hung in the air of that night. Usually, according to the books he’s read over the years and the stories he heard from his fellow comrades, this was the part where he would reach out to family to tell them how he really felt.

But still, Ushijima felt no need to do so.

He was at least obedient, to an extent anyway, Ushijima thought as his eyes skimmed over the chapter about the commandments. When he gave up and put the bible away, that was when Sugawara returned. Ushijima looked up from his place on the lower bunk.

Suga quietly began to unbutton his shirt.

Ushijima looked away.

“You don’t want to watch me, Ushijima?” Suga asked.

“I have no need to.”

“It’s the least I could do for dinner.”

Ushijima grunted.

“I don’t need any special favors for dinner.”

“But what if I want to?”

Ushijima felt a lump in his throat.

“Up to you.”

Suga pulled off his brown jacket, then the straps holding his pants up. He slowly slipped out of his shirt, then his pants, revealing himself in the full nude. He slipped into the bed next to Ushijima, hands out, palms flat as he massaged the tense muscles of his back. Ushijima let him, feeling desire tug at him. His breath grew more labored, and Suga sensed it. He snaked one arm around him, and undid the first button of his shirt slowly, followed by the next. His fingers danced down the lines of his chest as it did, taking their sweet time.

For once they would have the night uninterrupted. Ushijima groaned, realizing.

“Hmn?” Suga inquired.

At that, he Ushijima picked up Suga’s hand, bringing it to his lips as he did, rolling his tongue over every digit. This boy and those deathly curious hands of his, how he delighted in them. Even if he felt himself straying from everything he feels he knew so far, he loved how soft and deft and deliberate they were on him.

Finally, he faced him, pulling his shirt over his head as he does.

Suga smirked. That impish smile of his was one he was used to, but for the first time – Ushijima caught a glint of sadness. Before he could say another word though, Suga moved forward, crushing his mouth to his in a hungry kiss.

And for that night, they could sleep next to each other without worry.

 

The following morning was quieter. They woke up, took their turns to bathe, then dressed. Ushijima headed for the market again. The meat for steak had run out, but there was half a chicken available.  Ushijima took it.

They talked less that day. Ushijima cooked dinner, and they ate quietly. Suga savored the meal.

“You really don’t have anyone to say goodbye to?” Ushijima finally asked.

“Daichi.” Suga said, as a matter of fact. “We’ll see him in the morning.”

Ushijima nodded.

“You?”

“You.” Ushijima said softly.

Suga swallowed his bite of chicken and didn’t say another word.

They slept in their own bunks for half that evening. Neither minded, at first.

Then Ushijima spoke.

“Join me?”

He heard a rustle, and Suga climbed down from the top bunk. He got into bed next to Ushijima, curling up next to him. Ushijima closed his eyes and finally slept.

 

They awoke at the dawn bell.

They got out of bed and changed into uniform. They had just finished changing when Ukai returned, just as Suga got their bread rations and coffee ready. On Ukai’s heels, was Daichi.

Suga greeted him with a tight embrace, which Ushijima felt a pang of longing for. But that didn’t last long, as Soekawa, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa trickled in through the door.

They got their bread and had their coffee. Right after they did, they got their equipment, testing the wires and clasps.

Ukai crossed his arms.

“Time to go.”

 

They got to a day on the road without a titan coming after them. They made it to the location, and following orders - held base there for the incoming main survey and settlement corps to follow.

But it didn't take long for the first few Titans to come after them. And with limited rations and barely a barricade to keep them safe, Soekawa was the first to die during the second Titan attack, followed by Oikawa and Iwaizumi. The night after, another three arrived - Ushijima had managed to hold the line against them with the help of Ukai, Daichi, and Suga. But as the last few reports had warned, and Ushijima only remembered as his own sword shattered in an attempt to finally slash the towering creature down – Titans evolve. Somehow they learn to read their attackers’ moves.

The last thing he heard was Suga screaming his name.

**Author's Note:**

> -Thanks for reading! I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. If you liked it, a comment or kudos would be nice. :3 I also love e-mail: psychoshoujo@gmail.com. You can also [tweet me](http://twitter.com/meiyamie).


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